The biggest celebration that happened this year was, of course, finishing my graduate degree. 3 years and 71 hours later, I have a diploma and a School Psychology certification and no job.* While I knew that there was a possibility that I wouldn't get a job, I didn't expect for most of my interviews to go really well and then not get offered a job because of thesis delays that were out of my hands. Or to be faced with the choice of going for a job that would require about 3 hours of driving a day. I also had no idea that my not getting a job would be an issue of concern for so many people or that I would have to work on my heart and feelings toward being a stay-at-home wife. In the meantime, I applied for 20-30 jobs in a period of about 6 months and finally was hired as a substitute teacher a little over a month ago. Wow.
I have to be honest and say that although I began to really treasure staying at home and just being a wife, it was better for us financially if we had more than one pay check. It required a lot of faith to try to stay positive, especially when we were trying so hard to live frugally and then were faced with hundreds of dollars in medical fees for J's injury and surgery. I'm humbled and so thankful that we have insurance; otherwise, we'd owe about $30,000 in medical fees.
I guess, if I had to sum it up, I had no idea that it would be so difficult for me to accept the circumstances of my life as part of God's sovereignty and that I would be so burdened by worldly views. I don't and never have looked down on wives who stay at home, but I treated myself differently. I had worked so hard for a career, and it felt like such a waste of hard work. I really didn't feel ready for the job, either, and I'm not sure I really wanted to start working such a job so soon. I just felt like I had one chance and was also tired of being asked about my job status all the time.
But in the end, things worked out for the best. J & I have gone through a rough patch and have come out on the other side. Our marriage is stronger because we relied on faith to get through the trials. It's still not over. I'll have to start re-applying for jobs soon and go through the interviews and job searches for the 3rd year in a row.
This is getting pretty long so I'll wrap it up. Overall, I'm still processing the past few months of life and trying to be okay with transitions and uncertainty. And trying to endure substitute teacher. Wow. There are some mean children out there... but maybe I'll tell more about that on a later date.
*If you'd like to read my thesis, you can go here! I'm sure all of you will jump right on that. I will note that it's related to moral development, which is kind of interesting and pretty understandable compared to a lot of topics.
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