So, after subbing for two weeks for, perhaps, one of the most challenging kindergarten classroom on earth, I have to come to believe that I am not made to be a kindergarten teacher. One on one, I love 5 & 6 year olds, but as a group of 20, they are a force to be reckoned with.
It's not from lack of patience. I have plenty of that. I think I just don't have "it"-- the "it" factor being the voice that commands obedience and does not cause children to stand there and dare me to tell them to do something again. As much as I say that I am queen of this castle, it doesn't really seem to matter. Oh well! I am who I am.
However, after being away from this lovely group of children, I am now beloved, and when I walk by them, it's like walking down the red carpet. Hugs and, sometimes, the offer of a kiss from one particular little boy. I politely declined the kiss. :)
I happened to see him again at the pep rally last Friday. I looked at him, and he was waving a little wave at me. Then, he started looking at me... like this...
Only imagine him being 5 years old and slowly batting his eyes. Hilarious. And sweet. I may not have the teaching "it" but I've still got the ability to make 5 year old boys melt. :) hah. I'm not sure what good this does me.
This post is about our trip to Booneville, Arkansas with nine teenagers from our church. This mission trip could be summed up in several descriptive words.
HOT.
Fun!
Challenging!
Very HOT!
Life-changing!
Unity.
Blessed!
Coincidentally, Booneville, AR, is located in the boonies of Arkansas. It's at the base of the Ozark Mountains and is named after Daniel Boone. If anyone has seen the movie "True Grit", you'll remember that the main character is from Yell County, which is next to the county that Booneville is in, and it is also very close to Fort Smith, which is where she goes to take care of business. I was probably overly excited by this. None of the teenagers seemed to care. This kind of happens a lot. :) Booneville was the location of the Arkansas state Tuberculosis Sanitorium in the early 1900s. Other than that, there's not much else to report on the actual town. There are about 4,000 people who live in Booneville.
We left our church on Sunday morning as 11 people crammed into a 15 passenger van full of both bodies and luggage. We came back a family-- the Duggars. Somehow, along the way, we started referring to ourselves as Arkansas' biggest and most famous family. The kids are still calling us Jim Bob and Mamachelle (Michelle). It was really funny, and all of the kids were renamed so that their names would all start with the letter "J" so Macy became Jamacy, Olivia become Jolivia, JoHannah, etc. You get the point. At first, it was just a fun joke, but somehow God used it to turn us into a family. These kids that were somewhat close started loving each other for who they were. There were fewer put-downs, fewer arguments, and more loving of each other. It was so neat to see this transformation take place... and also so neat to be viewed as leaders. J and I felt so blessed that God was was working through us and helping us to be spiritual leaders for these kids.
The theme for the week was Luke 6:27-28.
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
This was a really good verse for a week full of serving others, particularly under some difficult circumstances. People should know that if you're going on a mission trip, be prepared to give up both your independence and comfort for the week. It may mean that you have to wait for 30 something people to shower before you in dirty showers... and that almost immediately after coming out from the showers, you will feel as though you actually never showered. Or when trying to work hard during days with a heat index of over 110 degrees.
Our main task for the week was tornado relief. Several small communities outside of Booneville were hit by a tornado a few weeks before we came to Arkansas. Because they were so small and didn't have a post office, they were not receiving federal aid since they technically aren't a "town". Something like that... Anyway, our job was to basically pick up tornado debris. Our group worked on sorting a demolished mobile home into different piles. The picture to the right shows the wood pile. It was really exhausting work. Things were just everywhere! It was a job where you didn't really get the satisfaction of seeing a completed project or get to interact with people in the community.
We also served in other ways. The teenagers facilitated a Kids Camp, where they planned activities for children in the community. Other crews went to visit the nursing home and danced and play games with the seniors. My crew had three days on the work site so we basically sweated all week. My kids on my crew were such hard workers and did not complain. My co-crew leader, on the other hand...
I think that's about enough for now... I've added some more pictures and have captions under them so you can tell what the picture is! Oh yeah, after our mission work was over, we made a stop in Hot Springs, Arkansas, on the way home. We went to an amusement/water park there and spent the night at a church there. It was really fun!
All of our group at almost the top of Mt. Magazine!
The girls at Sonic!
J in Hot Springs, Arkansas with Bill. :)
It was a blessing to get to spend a week with this group of kids and to get to know them! I really felt like God used us in so many unexpected ways while on this trip. It's a blessing to be able to serve God in this way! :)
I have to be honest and say that I really haven't known what to write about lately. I think my life might be boring or depressing, and I'm not sure I've totally figured out this season of life. A few weeks, someone sang this song at church, and I felt like it was the closest to really saying how I feel about the right now.
The sermon was on Doubting Thomas, and there was a group of singers who sang Nickel Creek's Doubting Thomas song. I felt like it captured my spirit over the last year... or at least the last few months. When I say doubt, I am not referring to not believing in God or lacking faith. I have struggled in my circumstances and have questioned why some things have happened the way that they have.
I don't want use this blog as a impetus to say "Why me?" or to use it to complain about how no matter how hard I try, that I just can't get a job... but I do feel the need to share a little bit of that story. Haven't I already been through this just last summer? :) It hasn't been so long since I applied for 20+ jobs and heard nothing for months, only to eventually get a job that everyone who applies for that particular job gets regardless of whether you speak English or if you're a real person*. Then, I began the time-consuming process of applying for a School Psychologist position for the second year. And guess what? No interviews. No jobs in at least 10 surrounding counties.
I spent seven years in school to apparently learn to wait. I'm joking a little, but that's really what it feels like. The three years I spent in grad school were so difficult, and I wanted to quit almost every day, but I felt like God called me to that place and so I persevered. I went through what felt like an eternity of emptiness doing something I didn't enjoy. And for what? A terrible job market. And one good friend that came out of the program.
Well, hello there, sin, you and I are well acquainted over the past year or so. There have been days when I have felt so discouraged and frustrated and angry. "Lord, why did you make me go through this? Why does my job situation have to be the first thing people ask about? Why can't people stop giving me the same bad advice over and over? **" Deep down, I know that God isn't holding out on me or punishing me for anything. I've come to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't the right path, and this is God's way of protecting me from something else or leading me down a different path. I haven't really figured that part out yet. I tried to feel thankful that God gave me a time of rest after graduate school. I've even struggling with wondering when it's going to be my time. I feel stuck, sometimes. A few months ago, I was with a friend when she got news of getting her second job right before she got married. What perfect timing! Of course, I'm happy for her but I couldn't help wondering when my turn for good news would come. I know that's so incredibly selfish, and I didn't share those thoughts with her, of course, but it's moments like that that sometimes send me into a tailspin.
I'm trying to be hopeful and faithful and trust that God is refining me during this period. I'm not saying that I should get what I want or that I even deserve something just because I worked hard. I guess I just expected to have more clarity by this point or that God would provide other options for me. I don't know. :) I think I'm struggling with feeling like I need to be more. I feel like my world impact is so small, sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like others may look at me like I'm wasting my life because I'm smart and I have a lot to offer.
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
* When I say "real person", I'm referring to the person who wanted to become a sub because of children's smiles. I know. I know. I should be nicer. I love the smile of a child about as much as anyone, but I'm not sure being a sub = children's smiles. Maybe they smile when they get away with tricking you. :)
** Okay, yet another complaint. School psychologists are not the same as teachers. We are hired by the district, not a particular school. Sometimes, I want to scream when people tell me to just go around to schools and introduce myself.
I know it has been so long since I haven't written on here. I have a post in the works but haven't figured out if it's exactly what I want to say or not... I know it doesn't really matter that much, but it's a work in progress. Just like me. :)
Saw this video and thought that most of you would love it! What a sweet blessing to be loved by an almighty God!
I made this cake for Christmas (I think? Maybe it was Thanksgiving.) Anyway, I made it because it's my dad's favorite cake. It turned out to be a really good recipe so I thought I would share!
Ingredients
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup shortening
4 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 egg whites
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 (3.5 ounce) package flaked coconut
1 cup chopped pecans
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup margarine, softened
4 cups confectioners' sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup chopped pecans
Directions
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease three 9 inch, round cake pans. Combine soda and buttermilk, and let stand a few minutes.
In a large bowl, cream sugar, 1/2 cup butter, 1/2 cup oil and shortening. Add egg yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix buttermilk mixture alternately with flour into creamed mixture. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla.
In a large glass or metal mixing bowl, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold 1/3 of the whites into the batter, then quickly fold in remaining whites until no streaks remain. Gently stir in 1 cup pecans and coconut.
Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake in the preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Allow to cool.
To make the Cream Cheese Frosting: Beat together cream cheese, 1/2 cup butter or margarine, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and confectioners' sugar. Stir in 1 cup chopped pecans. Frost and fill cooled cake with cream cheese frosting.
On an added note, I also tried these cupcakes, thinking they would be so great. I made them for a baked goods auction at church for the senior high mission trip, mostly because of the amount of butter in them... and because I wanted to make them but knew we didn't need that many cupcakes! :)
These were not as good as expected.. and to be honest, after working on them for so long, I just didn't really feel much like eating them. They were hard work, even with J helping me make them. The people who bought them at the bake sale really liked them, though, so maybe they're more fun to eat if you don't have to do the labor... and if you don't know that there are 6 sticks of butter in the recipe! Yikes!
J's disdain at how much work these were! :)
Pre-frosting and cookie dough filling
But all in all, it's good that we made them! The youth made $2727 toward their summer trip! Yay!
For the past nine months, we've been waiting on my baby's brother to be born. It was a surprise so we were anxiously awaiting the birth to find out the gender. IT'S A GIRL!!!
We are so, so happy! I have three nephews so getting to have a niece is very exciting! Here are some pictures of sweet Rachel Ann. She was born on March 10th and weighed 8 lbs, 10 ounces. Big little baby girl! :)
While she was being born and my sister-in-law was in the hospital, we were on babysitting duty with my nephews, who are almost 4 and 6. They "camped" in our guest room under a blanket tent. So sweet! I just love being around them, and they love being around us. After they left on Saturday afternoon, I got a phone call a few hours later from the youngest one saying he missed us and wanted to spend the night again at the place where he had just been. So precious!
What about this sweetness?? I love this child! Apparently, calling me wasn't enough, and he cried because he missed me! His older brother said he was sitting in bed crying, "Wawen, Wawen, Wawen!" Precious! :)
This is just a short list of things we're enjoying this winter...
1. Snow days!
I've begun to see that a lot of snow days start to put a lot of people in bad news, except for a teacher's wife! It is so fun to get unexpected time with J. Plus, I really, really love snow, too. (But, to be honest, I start getting grumpy when people complain about the weather all the time.)
2. The Hunger Games trilogy.
These books are so good. I'm about to finish up the third and final book. The book is written for teens, but it's a really good story, so you should check it out! :)
This hot chocolate is so yummy! It is so rich and waaaay better than most of the other instant hot chocolate mixes I've tried. It's a little expensive so you'll probably want to savor it. I usually get a box every year at Christmas Village here in Nashville.
4. The Nashville Symphony
My parents have graciously invited us to several events at the Symphony Hall over the past few months. Talk about a gorgeous building! It's beautiful down to the smallest detail. A-mazing! :)
Most recently, we saw Kurt Elling, a jazz singer, at the Symphony Hall. He's a very unusual and very talented singer. Here's a video clip of a song he sang from youtube at another symphony hall.
5. Thursday night shows on NBC.
We laugh for hours at Community, Parks & Recreation, and 30 Rock.
Especially at Troy and Abed.
And at April. hah.
6. One of our favorite restaurants is trying to open back up again. Oh, please, let it work out! This restaurant is so delicious!
7. Hearing all the silly things kids have to say. While I don't necessarily miss working, I do miss being around kids. Sometimes. hah. Just joking. I think that I have realized that adoration of children is not really a necessary trait for a teacher. Teaching may make you not like children at the end of the day. :) I know that sounds so terrible, but there are days when they just drive you bananas.
8. Walking on the greenway in the snow! So beautiful!
9. The movie, Secretariat.
I love horse movies. Or any sports movie that Disney makes. Good job, Disney.
10. Getting to spend more time with my sweet little nephews. They are so great! And they will be having a new brother or sister very soon! :) :) :) These little guys enjoy Chuck E. Cheese. Or Chuckie Cheezus, as they say.
John John Octagon and Beefy
So, that's about it for now! Hope y'all are doing well.
Oh, and P.S. Yes, I do yell. :) For the sake of survival. I usually don't yell a whole lot. Just when I need to be louder than everyone else... or when I need to remind them who's in charge.
So, for the past few months, I've been working a few days a week as a substitute teacher. A few days, mostly because it's kind of hard to get jobs and even harder after snow days! I thought I would share a little about how that's going. I'm not quite as mean as that teacher in the picture, but there are times when I'm close to that. ha ha. Actually, the first day I subbed was probably one of the worst days of my life. Seriously.
My Facebook status after that day was:
"So I survived my first day of substitute teaching yesterday. Started out being called a sweetheart by one of the boys.. & then, it changed to "you don't like us very much, do you?" With about an hour left in the day, the entire class was in timeout. Ended the day being the target of a paper gun shooting. Took it away & the kid started destroying the room. All in a day's work, I guess."
I was pretty floored that a group of 1st graders could be so devious and manipulative. And I'm a school psychologist, which means I've had a role in schools where I've heard a lot of crazy things. Anyway, at the end of the day, none of the children were hurt, and even though most of their work didn't get done, it didn't really matter. One of the biggest issues was that they also locked their in-class bathroom, and I've never seen so many kids need to go the bathroom. Or so many upset stomachs. Or so many children needing to go the bathroom badly. I also didn't know that children with asthma had special needs to go the bathroom. I finally started refusing to let anyone go to the bathroom. These kids also kept getting in little arguments and fights over the smallest things... and were tattling on someone using profanity about every five minutes. At the end of the day, I was so tense that I had to cry it out. Not because I took it personally... but more because I had just been fighting 18 little monsters all day. No exaggeration. I really thought I might need to throw a piece of furniture or something... and I'm not sure if I've felt like things were so out of control! :)
Anyway, since then, things have been a little easier, give or take a few hard days in there. I'm never going to that classroom or school again--hah!
Oh--and going back to the picture, I do have to use my frownie face a lot. And yell. And with some kids, I just have to "out mean" them. It's not really a desirable strategy, and it makes me feel so sad because I know that these kids must be so mistreated at home. But I just have to do what works for a short time. Oh well. Hopefully, they have regular teachers that can give them the love they need.
This will probably be boring, but I think that with the start of every new year comes a time for reflection of how the past year went. It seems like so many people I know are ready for 2011. I'll admit that this year has gone much differently than expected, but I think I can appreciate the lessons during the hard times. [Last year's reflection]
The biggest celebration that happened this year was, of course, finishing my graduate degree. 3 years and 71 hours later, I have a diploma and a School Psychology certification and no job.* While I knew that there was a possibility that I wouldn't get a job, I didn't expect for most of my interviews to go really well and then not get offered a job because of thesis delays that were out of my hands. Or to be faced with the choice of going for a job that would require about 3 hours of driving a day. I also had no idea that my not getting a job would be an issue of concern for so many people or that I would have to work on my heart and feelings toward being a stay-at-home wife. In the meantime, I applied for 20-30 jobs in a period of about 6 months and finally was hired as a substitute teacher a little over a month ago. Wow.
I have to be honest and say that although I began to really treasure staying at home and just being a wife, it was better for us financially if we had more than one pay check. It required a lot of faith to try to stay positive, especially when we were trying so hard to live frugally and then were faced with hundreds of dollars in medical fees for J's injury and surgery. I'm humbled and so thankful that we have insurance; otherwise, we'd owe about $30,000 in medical fees.
I guess, if I had to sum it up, I had no idea that it would be so difficult for me to accept the circumstances of my life as part of God's sovereignty and that I would be so burdened by worldly views. I don't and never have looked down on wives who stay at home, but I treated myself differently. I had worked so hard for a career, and it felt like such a waste of hard work. I really didn't feel ready for the job, either, and I'm not sure I really wanted to start working such a job so soon. I just felt like I had one chance and was also tired of being asked about my job status all the time.
But in the end, things worked out for the best. J & I have gone through a rough patch and have come out on the other side. Our marriage is stronger because we relied on faith to get through the trials. It's still not over. I'll have to start re-applying for jobs soon and go through the interviews and job searches for the 3rd year in a row.
This is getting pretty long so I'll wrap it up. Overall, I'm still processing the past few months of life and trying to be okay with transitions and uncertainty. And trying to endure substitute teacher. Wow. There are some mean children out there... but maybe I'll tell more about that on a later date.
*If you'd like to read my thesis, you can go here! I'm sure all of you will jump right on that. I will note that it's related to moral development, which is kind of interesting and pretty understandable compared to a lot of topics.
A few weekends ago, J & I met my family at our alma mater for its Homecoming weekend. We had such a great time! My brother and his family met us up there. It was the first time that they had been up there for a homecoming. I've included a few pictures from the day and a video of my sweet little nephew (nicknamed Beefy!) cheering for the team! He'll be 4 years old in April. The boys both got t-shirts to support the team... and lasted through half of the first quarter of the football game. hah.
My best friend Julianne also met us up there. We had so much fun reliving our college days and visiting our old stomping grounds. It was like old times.. except we're older. :) I feel so fortunate to have so many great memories from college. It was so much fun, and I miss it sometimes, even though I know it wouldn't be the same if I went back again. It is nice to up there every once in a while and catch up with old friends.
We're just two young married kids learning the ropes.. and we also are feeling so blessed to have been given so much. God has been so generous to us! Not only have we been given the ultimate sacrifice and the gift of grace, we have received so much more! Most importantly, each other! :)
